HHh-4

Home

Topics

Hurts Habits & Hang Ups

Life Coaching Sessions

LDS Divorce Support

Finding Hope and Healing

Session Four

Step 4- Make a written searching and honest inventory of yourself.

How many times, in our lives, do we replay an embarrassing incident or past decision in our mind and cringe, asking ourself: Why did I do that? The bigger question is: Why do we do what we do?

Truthfully, we do what we do because we believe what we believe. Our mind retains a set of believes about who we are, about those we love and about the world in general. Those beliefs lie at the root of all our decisions, good and bad. Our actions are a reflection of who we think we are.

Many of our most destructive hurts and habits often stem from a fear that people will see the ‘real me’ and be disappointed. Unconsciously, we may even try hide “the real me” from ourself, fearing what we will find.

Writing a searching and honest inventory or life story allows us to see our life in perspective; our self image, healthy and unhealthy, matched against our experiences and understandings. As we do so, it will bring to mind many events we may have forgotten.

Alma explained that the Nephites had been greatly blessed to have access to the Plates of Brass. “They have enlarged the memory of this people,” he taught, “..and convinced many of the error of their ways, and…the knowledge of their God.” (Alma 37:8) The ‘error of their ways’ were seen when they saw “the great things the Lord [had] done for their fathers; and that they may know the covenants of the Lord, that they are not cast off forever.” (Title Page, Book of Mormon). The better they understood what had really happened, the more clearly they could see the covenants the Lord intended to bless them with.

It also showed them the history of His miracles and dealings with Israel. That added knowledge ‘enlarged’ their memory, helping counteract false ideas taught them by other sources. It helped them see the truth and to then make better choices.

Taking a personal inventory enlarges our own personal memory. As we write we carefully detail the painful and the embarrassing, the successes as well as the follies. By doing so, we see past events through the eye of history and our current understanding. In addition, we also see our childhood experiences through adult eyes rather than the limited perceptions of a child.

We also begin to see, much more clearly, the powerful and lasting influence of our family of origin. Family hurts and habits, often extending many generations, helped form a our sense of who we are. Looking back, we can better see how their choices impacted our choices.

Most of our ‘core beliefs’, those deeply held images of our abilities and self worth, are formed early in life. Early impressions of who we are weave themselves tightly around our future choices. They strongly impact what we think we can and cannot expect from our life. Taking an inventory can help define those early impressions, then detailing the role they played as we grew.

Understandably, this history can be painful and uncomfortable. The Prophet Moroni worried that future readers would mock and dismiss the Book of Mormon because of the Nephite “weakness in writing”. The Lord responded by reminding him of an eternal truth: “…if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness.” In other words, the nearer we come to Him the more clearly we will be shown the exact nature of our weaknesses. The increased light will better illuminate our hurts, habits and hang-ups.

Thankfully, the Lord also reminds us that “I give unto men weakness that they may be humble: and my grace is sufficient.” (Ether 12:23, 27) His love and grace will attend us as our “weak things become strong.” In fact, our inventory may reveal, to us, those times when His tender mercies were extended to strengthen those ‘weak things’ in our life.

Our lives become unmanageable due to our poor choices and our feeble attempts to ‘fix’ them our way. For this reason our individual weaknesses continue to inflict our lives and impact those around us. Under inspiration, a personal inventory can help outline those weaknesses even more clearly. It will also help us acknowledge the true amount of damage they’ve caused, filling us with a greater desire to have them removed from us.

Taking the time to fill out a searching and detailed inventory is an important part of the process. It helps us to prepare to have the Lord remove our weaknesses. As we fearlessly complete it, the Lord will bring to our minds details about our lives we need to comprehend. By doing so, we will better understand the nature—and the origins—of the choices that disrupt our lives now.

Read and Ponder

President Kimball said: "When you look in the dictionary for the most important word, do you know what it is? It could be 'remember.' Because all of (us) have made covenants ... our greatest need is to remember. That is why everyone goes to sacrament meeting every Sabbath day — to take the sacrament and listen to the priests pray that (we) 'may always remember him and keep his commandments which he has given (us).' ... 'Remember' is the word."

• How do you remember your childhood?

______________________________________________________________________________

“And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.

And oh, what joy and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!” (Alma 36:19,20)

How would your life be different if you could remember your pains ‘no more’?

Elder Marion D. Hanks

"The withholding of love [holding a grudge] is the negation of the spirit of Christ, the proof that we never knew him, that for us he lived in vain.

It means that he suggested nothing in all our thoughts, that he inspired nothing in all our lives, that we were not once near enough to him to be seized with the spell of his compassion for the world." (FORGIVENESS: THE ULTIMATE FORM OF LOVE)

• Sometimes when we inventory, we remember people and/or incidents that caused us pain. How have the poor decisions of others hurt you in the present?

Notes

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Recorded Session 4 of Hurts, Habits, and Hang Ups with Kevin Hinckley and Christi Turley