Signs that you are ready to date:
- You have fewer periods of depression.
-You are okay being alone and on your own and don't need someone to "complete you".
-You are not looking to be rescued by someone of the opposite sex .
-You are living more in the present than you are in past.
- You have identified your personal weaknesses, faults, and limitations and have learned from your previous relationships.
-You have taken accountability and are willing to be accountable to others.
-You have a positive attitude about yourself and your future.
Great Article on Dating After Divorce:
How To Start Dating After Divorce:
Let's agree from the start that once you're ready, starting to date after divorce is a wonderful way to reconnect with FUN, which is basically what life is (supposed to be) about, right? And fun is not the first word that comes to mind when describing the last few years of your divorce recovery, is it? So you're probably feeling more than ready for some. (Fun, that is!) The trick is in the "once you're ready" part of the equation. Are you ready for life after divorce yet and how can you tell? Take a look at this dating guide.
So you've done all of your recovery work, faced your demons, dragged your self-esteem out of the gutter, and developed a good relationship with yourself. Check.
Not to damper the focus on fun, but I would like to take a just a moment to review Rule #1 of how to start dating after divorce:
RULE #1) OF DATING TIPS AND ADVICE IS DO NOT BRING ANYONE HOME TO YOUR CHILDREN until you are absolutely certain that this person is someone who will be in your life for a long time to come. If you take only one point away from this article, please let it be this. Your children are in the midst of an enormous adjustment that affects them on many levels. The scope of your children's world is smaller than your own, which means that ANY changes within that realm have greater significance. Divorce has already turned your children's world upside down: Let them become comfortable with their new lives before introducing another unknown, which frankly, is exactly what a new partner will be! Your dating life is a double whammy for your children. They are likely to see your dates both as threats to their relationship with you, and as rejection of their absent parent, who they are still secretly hoping you will remarry. You don't want to open that can of worms just yet......
Only you will know for certain when you are ready to learn how to start dating after divorce. But here's a dating guide and checklist of a few good signs that you are approaching readiness to start your life after divorce:
•You enjoy being alone. You feel happy and fulfilled with yourself. In other words, you aren't looking for a partner to fill any voids, because remember, that's your job, not anyone else's. If you are looking to get significant areas of your life filled by someone else, you are only setting yourself up for failure, or even disaster.
•The major pieces of your life are in order. You have a decent job, free time, friends, hobbies and interests, and a good relationship with your children. You need to get the basics taken care of before you're ready to move up Maslow's hierarchy.
•You've figured out why you were in your marriage in the first place. That ex you've been badmouthing had something to teach you. If you have been so busy blaming him for whatever went wrong, you're missing the point. What did you need to learn from the experience and have you learned it? Was he in your life to teach you to speak up for yourself, to listen to your intuition, to step out of denial and into the real world? Only you know for certain. Have you learned the lessons and moved on?
•When you monitor your self-talk, it includes statements like "Wow, I handled that situation really well" and "I appreciate what a good job I'm doing under tough circumstances." It does not include statements along the lines of "He would never like me because......" The nature of your self-talk is a good indicator of the quality of your relationship with yourself. And you'll need to have a good relationship with yourself if you expect to have a good relationship with your new partner.
•You are able not to take things personally. This will prove invaluable when you finally email your photos to Online Man X, only to (gasp) never hear from him again. Will your response be "I need to lose ten pounds" or "He doesn't know what he's missing?"
•You recognize your inherent worthiness. The more work you do on yourself before getting back into a relationship, the greater the odds are that the relationship will be a good one. Think of it as an investment--an investment in yourself so that you will find the wonderful partner you deserve. Because--news flash here--you deserve to be treated well! Someone who doesn't think highly of himself isn't capable of treating you well. The higher your own self-esteem, the more likely you'll attract a partner with high self-esteem as well. And please don't confuse self-esteem with ego--they're practically opposites. People who esteem themselves know that in order to feel good about oneself, you need to treat others well, too. Call me a naive optimist, but I believe that deep down inside, deeper for some than others (and often obscured by life experiences), we all want to be kind. It's human nature. Have you discovered that about yourself yet? Once you see the good in yourself, it's much easier to distinguish it in others!
Chances are, post-divorce, that you've been through hell and back and you don't want to make the trip again so you likely welcome dating tips and advice. You want to make different mistakes this time around. And that brings us to one of the most exciting aspects of starting to date after divorce. You've come a long way. And when you start dating after divorce, you embark on the exciting new round of your life known as "a second chance."
This time, you get to do it right. At the first sign of trouble, you're not going to bury your head in the sand, you're going to pay attention. If someone is not treating you well, you're going to walk out that door long before you have a ring on your finger, much less a mortgage and kids. If he likes to vent, let him become an HVAC engineer, not your husband. If he doesn't know how to listen, he doesn't deserve you. As a single friend of mine in her early forties likes to say, "It's better to be alone than to wish that you were alone." And chances are you've learned this lesson the hard way.
Remember to pay attention, don't rule anyone out for superficial reasons, and most important, listen to your own internal guidance. Feeling ready? Hurrah for you! Celebrate how far you've come and then get back out there and have some fun. That's what it's all about, remember?!
By: Vanessa Raymond
Here is an article on dating readiness:
If you've been divorced, you know that it can be tough to get out into the world and start the dating game all over again. You also would probably like to start having a social life again and would value some company of the opposite sex. So how do you know when it's okay to start dating?
Can you deal with dating? Are you far enough away, emotionally, from your divorce, that you can date without crying, being angry for no reason, or spontaneously losing your temper (combusting)? Are you still in that state when you hate everybody of the opposite sex? That is not propitious for the beginning of a new relationship. If you feel you're going to break down crying during the appetizer, maybe you should wait. If you really feel like you're over things a bit and are ready for a night out, go for it.
How are your kids doing? If they live with you, are all of you emotionally ready for mommy or daddy to go on a date? Kids are often never really ready. But is their life, and your life, settled enough so that they can understand why you would want to go out at all and particularly to go out with a date? Don't let your kids dictate your social life but be sensitive to their needs as well as your own.
Are you entirely happy on your own? Do you have no wish for any sort of dating scenario? Then forget what your mother has to say about finding someone else, or the fact that your best friend has a cousin who's just dying to meet you. Your life needs to evolve at your own pace. Now, if it's been an inordinate amount of time since your divorce– years, say – you might want to get some counseling. But counseling is never a bad idea after a divorce anyway.
You feel that you are truly and really divorced from your ex-spouse. If you know that you are still in love with your ex, or are filled with obsessive thoughts about your ex, it's going to be difficult to begin a new relationship. This may just be a matter of time to adjust. Again, if it's too much time, think about counseling or bring it up in the counseling you're already getting.
Are you confident in yourself? Are you dating because you would really enjoy the companionship of someone else or because you need to validate yourself as a companion and partner? Can you go out on a date and feel like an attractive, desirable person yet? If the answer is no, wait a while.
Dating Safety: Online Dating Red Flags
© Amy Cunningham
The most important thing to remember in online dating safety is to trust your gut. You know when you feel unsure, uncomfortable or threatened. The key is to remove yourself from these situations before they have a chance to escalate into something more serious. Here are 10 red flags to watch out for when using online dating sites.
1.Trust your gut.
This is the #1 thing to remember. Your gut will tell you when something is not quite right. Trust it and move on to a potential date where things feel right. When you feel that something isn't quite right, that usually is the case.
2.Calling at odd hours.
If a person only calls you at odd hours of the day, they're either hiding something or not really single.
3.Hushed tones and sudden hang-ups.
If you call a date and they speak in hushed tones or have a tendency to end calls suddenly, be wary. These are both signs that they are most likely not as single as they claimed to be in their profile ad.
If the dating service you are using does not automatically require them, don't forget that you CAN ask your date to submit to one.
5.Do your own research.
Use the search engines to your advantage. You can also use the "people search" services.
If they always speak vaguely about themselves and never really reveal details, then it's time to move on to someone who does.
7.They answer questions with other questions.
If they don't answer your questions, talk in circles, or answer your questions with other questions, that shows that they're hiding something. Some people are naturally shy, quiet, and private, but if you're going to be in a relationship with them, they need to open up.
8.Love at first site.
Yes, some people do fall in love at first site, but generally love is something that happens over time. Be wary if your date starts saying "I Love You" after meeting for the first time - or even worse, before even meeting!
Be wary of any person that immediately tells you that they're broke, just got "laid off" from work, or have been scammed financially in the past. They may be looking to "scam" you in the present.
10.Asks for personal information.
Be wary of anyone who asks for your personal information, such as your phone number or home address, very early on in your communications. It may not be a huge red flag, but it's important to be aware for your safety. You also want to be wary if they ask to meet in person right away. Take things slow and get to know them.